You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
