lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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