so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
