Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
