Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i think i just lost a toe
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
