people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize