well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
