I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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