his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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