He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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