And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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