Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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