I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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