So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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