omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
