I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
