i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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