I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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