I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
