how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
