Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
