Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
