quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
