how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
