holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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