My hair reeks of homosexuality.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
