Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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