I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
