"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
