watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
