He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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