i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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