If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
