My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
