Already got asked if we're dating
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
