No stitches, just platelets and will power
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
