Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
