I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
