I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
