I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
