so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
