News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
