I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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