No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
