do herpes really smell.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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