I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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