If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
