There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
