How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
