i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
