We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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