The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
