Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
