Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize