she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
