her facebook's as public as her vagina
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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