dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
