Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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