I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
