Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
