yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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