cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
