Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
