So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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