If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
