A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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