I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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