Betty ford says i'm here all night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
