if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
