Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
