it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just google imaged poop.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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