I cannot find my penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
