My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
